The Mathematics of Margerine

I just got an email. This is its subject:

'Buy margarine earn 76p'

I don't know which spam-bot thought I should be informed of this Tesco margarine loophole. At some point in my life, I must have given out the impression to the universe that I needed this information, that I was the kind of person whose condiments and consumables are carefully considered, and what's more, an investment. Really, the kind of person who would get this email is quite the budding entrepreneur.

Now I have the email, I can't stop thinking that maybe I should go to Tesco. This is some sort of challenge. I could win some sort of award for my investment nous. People will walk past me in the street and go 'OH, it's the margerine tycoon! She's such an eligible batchelor-ette. The margarine magnate! What a mogul!' I will command hushed respect for the rest of my life.

Mmm. A quandary. Well, I am broke, but, I don't eat margarine. I would have to find some other purpose for my margarine, like donating it to strangers, or using it as hair conditioner (I have just run out). And I would have to buy a lot of margarine to really, you know, earn. Like 'earn', in a significant enough value to earn italics. You don't really earn 76p, do you. You earn £10,000. I suppose though, it depends what you do for that 76p. I think, in my time, I have really had to earn 76p.